I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
