jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
