At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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