but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
