I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
