i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
