I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
