upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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