I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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