yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
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You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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