There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
