I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
