Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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