my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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