I want to stick my p in your. b.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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