i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
