I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
This house was built for laser tag.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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