Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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