he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
