He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
