I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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