Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?