this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.