According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
that is very illegal...i love you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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