my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
