My Higher Power is John Stamos
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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