dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
