did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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