a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
