Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize