I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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