U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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