my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
