Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I have aggressive nipples.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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