Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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