Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
