did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
