i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
