he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize