Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
