It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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