shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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