I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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