I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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