Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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