that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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