I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
