Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
