The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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