Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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