fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
