I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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