Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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