U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
