So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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