i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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