Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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