Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We are all done wearing pants today
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize