Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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