i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
