I'd wear matching sweaters with you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
