Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
