weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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