Banned from zoo.
Again?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
