she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
