Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
