new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
