Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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