I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
